sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
