I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
