he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
