He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize