I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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