Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
