...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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