hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
