Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
