What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How's work?
Spinning.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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