My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
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She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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