She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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