I accidentally had phone sex last night
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
