I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
