this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
