Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
