roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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How does one acquire holy water?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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