just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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