How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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