Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
