This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
