new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
