Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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