and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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