tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
