you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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