Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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