Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
