So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
