I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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