real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
