Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
