You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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