I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
