i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
