I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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