I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
