yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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