All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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