So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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