the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
