Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
