I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
