i just had sex bonerless
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just had sex on a roof
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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