I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
