would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
