I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
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What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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