All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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