im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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