Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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