1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
