Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
