It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I checked into jail on foursquare
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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