His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
