did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
