I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
