when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
