puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he was CRYING into my vagina
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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