you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
