Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
