You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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