yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
