i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
operation harelip BJ is a go
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
