its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
