She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
