We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
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We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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