Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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