If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
