I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
