You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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