eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
