dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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