You're completely useless in the revolution.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
