So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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