therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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