when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
