his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
