it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
