Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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